Where have all the words gone? I ask myself. Like crickets, have they hidden from the racket? Or like cockroaches scittering away from the light. It has been over a year since I have written in here last, and I wonder--Why?
So much has changed I feel as though I have to get reaquainted with my reader. It is during this reaquaintance period that one must ask themselves what is important to mention. I dont' want this to become a brief encounter with an old friend one hasn't seen in seven months. I don't want this to become 'small talk'. Why do we even do it--small talk? The conversation where neither party is listening which promises it to be had again in agony in another 5 months. Perhaps it's good. It keeps us in touch with old friends one might say. But why? I've heard in other countries the typical question to ask an old friend one hasn't seen in awhile is what they had for lunch. This cuts through the small talk and right down to what is real. What we eat--who we are. There was a period in my life when I refused to have small talk. Instead, I asked people questions like, What gets you out bed every morning? What did you have for breakfast? Do you prefer mornings or evenings? Many didn't understand my off-the-wall tactics and felt uncomfortable.
I'm back to the small talk. Things are good. Keepin' busy. Goin' to school. I'm an eternal student. What about you? I normally check out for several minutes, wondering about where I should be going. Perhaps that is my problem. I'm not listening. I need to be interested. I need to show that I'm interested.
In case you were wondering; today I went for lunch with my mom at the Olive Garden. Normally I'd give you a speech about how I'm opposed to these large corporate chain restaurants, but I enjoyed it. I had the gorgonzola medallions over fettucini. It was delicious. My girlfriend Kelsey is in Portland presenting at a conference. She'll be living in Ames Iowa and I'll be in Bismarck for much of the summer. We will be contemplating weekend trists in Minneapolis or E-fares to reunite. I have a lot to say, but don't want this first entry to feel like the last week of school lunch.
-Shawn
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Brent and I
3 comments:
I like "scittering" crickets. Have you ever been around Riley when he is so flooded with emotions-- that he can't articulate anything? On the last day of school, one girl signed his poster, "You are little on the outside, big on the inside." Riley had a big heart, a big spirit.
Sometimes I wonder what it means to be "acquainted with my reader," particularly when I wonder if anyone besides mom reads my writing. I've settled on this-- a handful of readers see my writing, but I write as a way to have a conversation with my true self, to listen to the way my soul pulls me, speaks, longs, aches, and rejoices. I write because I need to see and name these things. I love words. I love stories. I want to be a writer because I'm happy when I write, and so I like practicing writing. And sometimes, someone hears, and understands, and writes back-- and I love this too.
I'm glad you're writing again.
By the way, I had two pieces of cinnamon and sugar toast and a cup of orange juice for breakfast-- and it was delicious.
P.S. Riley "has" rather than "had." Jeez. Proofreading.
I'm reading a good book-- Elizabeth Lesser's "Broken Open." For the record, I hate that I can't italize in this blog and have to use quotations around a book title. Anyway, she talks about these listening to the deep voice in us, and how easy it is to ignore it, become busy and distracted. I think you'd like her book.
Shawn-good to hear your thoughts and stories again. Wow. I'm impressed. You're a big thinker, big dreamer, and this comes across.
No breakfast this morning, but today the prospect of chicken salad sandwiches and sunshine got me out of bed. Not so much as far as sunshine goes, but Mom's chopping celery as I speak.
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