Yo no soy yo.

"It was his choice to become a dog." He said.

"But why is that a bad thing? He couldn't find work doing anything other than being a dog. He had to feed his family. I don't think he's necessarily unhappy. He said walking on four legs is no different than walking on two."

"Right, but he didn't have a relationship with his family. He only saw his wife in passing. He lived with the dogs, and she with the people. I would argue that you need to sustain those healthy relationships to be happy."

Cora jumped in the conversation. "I think what's important is that he is aware he is making the choice to become a dog--it needs to be a conscious choice."


He thought about the play they had read in his spanish literary course. The discussion replayed in his mind. His neck ached and his eyelids were heavy. He was tired.

The lunch lady looked up. "We have one hot plate left. Turkey, mash-potatoes, green beans and gravy. It's right there."

"Hmm.. what else do you have." He looked at the white dry erase board with the short list of the days meals.

Soups: Chili and Chicken Tortilla

"We got some chili left I think... Yeah we got some chili and a bread bowl if you want that."

"Yeah, I'll have a bread bowl."

Before he could tell her what kind, she grabbed the ladle and poured the chili into a bread bowl. He thanked her. She was on the phone and he waited to pay for the chili. There was a light rain that tapped on the windows. The sky was gray and the trees scarce of the larger portion of their leaves. The bread bowl grew soggier every minute and he continued eating. He had nothing to drink.

He let the rain hit his glasses and walked as though it were not raining at all. He entered the library and was heading to his spot, but slowed as the titles of books caught his eyes. He stopped. Advanced Mass Spectrometry. He thought about a story he had read about a useless museum. It was a thin hard cover book with a brown front and a white back. The title was white and bold, surrounded by a red box. He had planned on reading a page or two. A stamp appeared on the inside cover indicating it had not been checked out for eleven years. No surprise there. He thought.

He read the first couple lines, than put the book down. He sat in the corner of the library on the top floor with his feet up on a chair across from him. The radiator ticked and he stared out the window at the rain.

Where Have All the Words Gone?

Where have all the words gone? I ask myself. Like crickets, have they hidden from the racket? Or like cockroaches scittering away from the light. It has been over a year since I have written in here last, and I wonder--Why?

So much has changed I feel as though I have to get reaquainted with my reader. It is during this reaquaintance period that one must ask themselves what is important to mention. I dont' want this to become a brief encounter with an old friend one hasn't seen in seven months. I don't want this to become 'small talk'. Why do we even do it--small talk? The conversation where neither party is listening which promises it to be had again in agony in another 5 months. Perhaps it's good. It keeps us in touch with old friends one might say. But why? I've heard in other countries the typical question to ask an old friend one hasn't seen in awhile is what they had for lunch. This cuts through the small talk and right down to what is real. What we eat--who we are. There was a period in my life when I refused to have small talk. Instead, I asked people questions like, What gets you out bed every morning? What did you have for breakfast? Do you prefer mornings or evenings? Many didn't understand my off-the-wall tactics and felt uncomfortable.

I'm back to the small talk. Things are good. Keepin' busy. Goin' to school. I'm an eternal student. What about you? I normally check out for several minutes, wondering about where I should be going. Perhaps that is my problem. I'm not listening. I need to be interested. I need to show that I'm interested.

In case you were wondering; today I went for lunch with my mom at the Olive Garden. Normally I'd give you a speech about how I'm opposed to these large corporate chain restaurants, but I enjoyed it. I had the gorgonzola medallions over fettucini. It was delicious. My girlfriend Kelsey is in Portland presenting at a conference. She'll be living in Ames Iowa and I'll be in Bismarck for much of the summer. We will be contemplating weekend trists in Minneapolis or E-fares to reunite. I have a lot to say, but don't want this first entry to feel like the last week of school lunch.

-Shawn